Tuesday, November 11, 2008

They are movers, they are

I downloaded photos from the weekend to my computer this morning and I've decided a digital camera may not be the way to go with this group. Half the shots are blurred out because of movement. This group does not sit, stand, or even lay still. Or is that lie still? At any rate, they are rarely if ever still. What's that law of physics--an object in motion will remain in motion, something like that? Yeah, that's definitely this group.

However they did get to a place of relative stillness for our sessions on the weekend. During the break times they were wild and loud and frenetically energetic. Playing intense games of Mafia and Spoons and downing whipped cream out of the can and massive amounts of chocolate chip cookies, dipped into cans of frosting. But during our sessions they got very calm--too calm at times. They reminded me of puppies who race around and around and then suddenly, without warning, plop on the floor into a deep sleep.

They didn't exactly sleep through our sessions...at least most of the time. But they were quiet, and sometimes thoughtful and yes, mostly kind of bleary-eyed. But it was OK. I'm used to these kids--I've been their Sunday School teacher since they were in 5th grade. And by now I can sort of trust that they are with me, listening and taking things in, even if they give no real indication of that in any sort of enthusiastic way.

Of course there's another part of me that always, always feels totally inadequate and like I'm completely boring to them, and like all the little exercises and involving activities I devise to get and keep them engaged and looking deeper are something they barely tolerate. I imagine they are just being polite and trying not to roll their eyes at me while they wait for the "serious" stuff to be over so they can get back to playing Mafia and using their "loud" voices.

Probably both things are true. They are taking things in. And they are bored to tears and barely tolerating me. Hanging out with these guys is definitely teaching me about living with paradox. It makes me think that this must be what God has to deal with all the time. God asks us to "Be still and know that I am God." And I can be still and know that for about three or four seconds if I'm lucky. Before my brain jumps back on the treadmill and takes off. But I want to learn to be still--a part of me does anyway. Even though another part of me can't or won't go there.

Which is perhaps why my life feels like such a blur so often.

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